I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need moral support for this bender
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.