MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need moral support for this bender