I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need moral support for this bender
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.