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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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