I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.