Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
