I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom