He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.