And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning