Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (908)

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.

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  (908): I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me. http://tfl.nu/bgr1
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  girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.

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  (908): girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/ba5j
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  this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow

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  (908): this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow http://tfl.nu/cbkl
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  Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

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  (908): Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time. http://tfl.nu/kf31
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  I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag

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  (908): I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag http://tfl.nu/s6m9
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  My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.

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  (908): My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated. http://tfl.nu/0c6p
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  Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.

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  (908): Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at. http://tfl.nu/8pgv
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  Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won

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  (908): Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won http://tfl.nu/nhsb
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  new low.... made out with someone while peeing

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  (908): new low.... made out with someone while peeing http://tfl.nu/2bcc
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  My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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  (908): My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size. http://tfl.nu/6vyk
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  Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.

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  (908): Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got. http://tfl.nu/yeqj
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  was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

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  (908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone. http://tfl.nu/nbte
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  Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

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  (908): Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim. http://tfl.nu/snt6
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  I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep

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  (908): I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep http://tfl.nu/s4hd
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  can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night

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  (908): can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night http://tfl.nu/eoys
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