She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
