I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"