These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.