Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (847)

Last Night in Illinois (847)

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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.

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(847): I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying. http://tfl.nu/v59j

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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.

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(847): Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing. http://tfl.nu/jldd

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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.

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(847): This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird. http://tfl.nu/h1he

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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.

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As weird as it sounds I would totally be down

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(847): Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks. (630): As weird as it sounds I would totally be down http://tfl.nu/3ahb

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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

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So... He's a barber?

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No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

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(847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs

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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.

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(847): Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite. http://tfl.nu/nf89

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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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(847): being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk http://tfl.nu/qiyf

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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night

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(847): She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night http://tfl.nu/5dv7

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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?

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That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina

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(847): Did you fuck him in my garden last night? (1-847): That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gy1z

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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.

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(847): Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high. http://tfl.nu/a6we

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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.

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(847): I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year. http://tfl.nu/4k22

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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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(847): When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off. http://tfl.nu/w3pn

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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.

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(847): I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday. http://tfl.nu/eqk0

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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.

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(847): Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am. http://tfl.nu/1jpl

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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker

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Do you believe in miracles?

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(224): Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker (847): Do you believe in miracles? http://tfl.nu/9830

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Last Night in Illinois (847)

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