You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dating After Heartbreak
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.