Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.