Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Enjoy the penises
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...