Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Enjoy the penises
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.