Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Enjoy the penises
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.