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In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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