handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken