Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Houston, Texas (832)

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you

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  (832): you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you http://tfl.nu/7l95
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You're earring is so big in my mouth

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  (832): You're earring is so big in my mouth http://tfl.nu/32xs
  Replies (38) Good night (497) Bad night (2988) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.

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  (832): My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster. http://tfl.nu/nbxn
  Replies (9) Good night (561) Bad night (2943) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Knowing your life, probably not.

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  (832): I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right? (303): Knowing your life, probably not. http://tfl.nu/p5sh
  Replies (4) Good night (580) Bad night (2861)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe

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  (832): When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe http://tfl.nu/uvdo
  Replies (16) Good night (392) Bad night (2785) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.

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  (832): Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse. http://tfl.nu/qyce
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (2742) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

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  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2707) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

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  (832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5
  Replies (7) Good night (765) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

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  (832): you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gkpj
  Replies (7) Good night (732) Bad night (2355) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'

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  (832): 'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.' http://tfl.nu/5079
  Replies (8) Good night (367) Bad night (2279) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5055) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!

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  (832): Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7qkz
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

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  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (4849) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill

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  (832): I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill http://tfl.nu/19kp
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.

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  (832): No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin. http://tfl.nu/1p6f
  Replies (16) Good night (662) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt