The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom