My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs