Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.