I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.