what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.