If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices