I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.