My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...