All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.