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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
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