Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.