Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night