I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dating After Heartbreak
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.