In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.