He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling