Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"