Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.