He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..