I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm home, then i'll come over
home. puking in laundry basket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...