I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we're so committed to being not committed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.