Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.