Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  What kind of balloon animal was it?

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  (503): you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor. (1-503): What kind of balloon animal was it? http://tfl.nu/lyo1
  Replies (12) Good night (1713) Bad night (342)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

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  (503): Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands. http://tfl.nu/rsji
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  He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.

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  (503): He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success. http://tfl.nu/fztg
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  Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom

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  (503): Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/09st
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  I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.

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  (503): I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes. http://tfl.nu/0nvq
  Replies (9) Good night (1755) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
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  I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation

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  (503): I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation http://tfl.nu/9svf
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  I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.

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  (503): I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together. http://tfl.nu/6ddq
  Replies (15) Good night (1495) Bad night (420)
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  You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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  (503): You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want. http://tfl.nu/gyya
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  I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

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  (503): I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c6qn
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  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
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  So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?

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  (503): So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt? http://tfl.nu/w4he
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  I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..

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  (503): I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation.. http://tfl.nu/9q0x
  Replies (18) Good night (1521) Bad night (457)
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  I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner

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  Soooo, coming over soon?

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  (906): I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner (503): Soooo, coming over soon? http://tfl.nu/cs7r
  Replies (22) Good night (3077) Bad night (336)
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  All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.

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  (503): All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over. http://tfl.nu/hufa
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  Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.

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  (503): Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home. http://tfl.nu/ow7v
  Replies (6) Good night (2992) Bad night (358)