we're so committed to being not committed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high