i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we're so committed to being not committed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.