They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dating After Heartbreak
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE