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jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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