You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.