I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?