Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.