HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.