My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.