I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?