Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?