It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now