I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.