it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.