I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?