He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.