Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers