Texts From Last Night

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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  So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.

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  (+44): So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went. http://tfl.nu/a2g3
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  next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.

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  (+44): next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius. http://tfl.nu/19nm
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  I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.

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  (+44): I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it. http://tfl.nu/xxfg
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  I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend

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  (+44): I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ua0w
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  Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over

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  Wet with either fear or sexual excitement

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  I think a mixture of both is appropriate

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  (+44): Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over (1+44): Wet with either fear or sexual excitement (+44): I think a mixture of both is appropriate http://tfl.nu/euq8
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  It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

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  (+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals. http://tfl.nu/whom
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  He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song

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  (+44): He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song http://tfl.nu/ouwi
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  My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.

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  (+44): My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head. http://tfl.nu/1t8h
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  He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

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  (+44): He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day? http://tfl.nu/3a44
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  I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.

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  (+44): I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand. http://tfl.nu/tiko
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  I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.

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  (+44): I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs. http://tfl.nu/5p7v
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  Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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  (+44): Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room. http://tfl.nu/d3jd
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  you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?

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  (+44): you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck? http://tfl.nu/szfq
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  Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!

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  (+44): Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/zew5
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  I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.

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  (+44): I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers. http://tfl.nu/28px
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