You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think tits should taste like fish.