I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?