i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"