So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!