I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair