Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.