Texts From Last Night

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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  (+44): I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/v2mo
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  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
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  I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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  (+44): I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince. http://tfl.nu/7pny
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  drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets

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  (+44): drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets http://tfl.nu/vhzs
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  You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.

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  (+44): You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4. http://tfl.nu/tyhh
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  He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university

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  (+44): He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university http://tfl.nu/5znd
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  Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face

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  (+44): Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face http://tfl.nu/5obj
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  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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  (+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm
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  the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.

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  (+44): the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner. http://tfl.nu/ddr6
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  You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.

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  When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.

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  (+44): You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man. (1+44): When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree. http://tfl.nu/esvb
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  Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.

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  (+44): Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/pdfz
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  Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.

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  (+44): Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing. http://tfl.nu/5vch
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  On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

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  (+44): On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling. http://tfl.nu/fq4v
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  We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.

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  (+44): We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it. http://tfl.nu/ow31
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  I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right

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  (+44): I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right http://tfl.nu/f22x
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