After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm