Texts From Last Night · Last Night in United Kingdom

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.

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(+44): He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar. http://tfl.nu/zoch

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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.

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(+44): It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex. http://tfl.nu/wykh

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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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(+44): Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight. http://tfl.nu/uuv5

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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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(+44): I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home. http://tfl.nu/i339

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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"

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(+44): He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis" http://tfl.nu/c89r

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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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(+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d

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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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(+44): You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste. http://tfl.nu/s042

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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

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It's a podium place so yeah...

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(+44): Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right? (1+44): It's a podium place so yeah... http://tfl.nu/cezg

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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.

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(+44): Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least. http://tfl.nu/hzkn

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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.

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(+44): We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands. http://tfl.nu/fk2d

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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...

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(+44): This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again... http://tfl.nu/3c0f

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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.

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(+44): How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic. http://tfl.nu/9kr6

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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore

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(+44): She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore http://tfl.nu/r3jp

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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.

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(+44): Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am. http://tfl.nu/fqfm

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it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck

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(+44): it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck http://tfl.nu/0y2l

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Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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