He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?