Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.