Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...