I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat