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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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