Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.