I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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