Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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