you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.