i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me