I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed