Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
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drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is that why you're texting me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
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I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole