I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
