i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC