the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.