i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.