Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
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hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
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Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions