How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)