Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.