I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk