Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen