so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.